“It is fact,” said two-year adherent, bhakta Randal, “she is nicely following Vedic culture by getting the hell out of my way, otherwise, she is simply prostitute.” Adding, “Could you let her know that I think it’s really nice, that she gets the hell out of my way? Could you tell her that for me?”

Abhava devi dasi sustained slight abrasions and a bruise on her knee as she got the hell out of the way for His Holiness Matsarya das Goswami as they passed each other in the downstairs hallway near the lobby.

“She is so chaste,” reports Sri Danda das brahmacari, “just see how completely her head is covered. And how her eyes never quite make contact with yours.”

Another brahmacari questioned, “I wonder what color they are.”

One such event was witnessed by a family visiting the temple for the first time. “What was that about?” Asked Ron Browning, the father of the family of four, after seeing Abhava devi dasi trip over her own feet to get the hell out of the way near the washroom as several Hare Krishna monks wandered by. “That just doesn’t seem right.”

When questioned about his temple’s unspoken policy about brahmacarinis, Kamarupam Swami, temple commander and bhakta leader, disagreed that it was sexist.

“The idea that women are mistreated in the temple is completely bogus.” He continued, “outside the temple, they are practically trained to casually walk past so many men. Is that not abuse?”

Temple visitors are not the only ones talking about Abhava devi dasi’s behavior. Talk in the men’s ashrama has turned to discussing her actions as well.

“I really appreciate her dedication to Srila Prabhupada,” says Pradhana das, during the brahmacari ashrama’s Tuesday night Bhagavad-gita study group, “she gets the hell out of my way better than any mataji I’ve ever seen.”

“It’s true,” added life-long brahmacari, Devakanya das, “Have you ever noticed that even though Abhava’s long, brown hair sways back and forth, it never comes undone as she glides across the floor to the wall?”

“And how, when she casts herself to the wall as we move past, her sari nearly exposes her slender waist giving way to the soft curve of her hips,” said Menaka das, closing his eyes. “Even as she gets the hell out of my way, she remains such a nice, chaste mataji.”

Abhava devi dasi’s conduct has not gone unnoticed. “Most women do not understand how to act in front of men,” Kamarupam Swami said after a thoughtful pause. “Most women will casually stroll by, hardly noticing me at all. But when Abhava devi dasi gets the hell out of my way, I can fell her sincere concern for my spiritual life.”

The Ganesha Lingam Fountain features Ganesha, the elephant-headed demigod, hugging a Shiva Lingam. According to the manufacturer’s website and catalog, “water flows from top of lingam into lotus flower; internal light in his body glows in the dark.”

The contention seems to have been started by concerned area brahmacari, Mahasucaha das, who, in an angrily written letter to the GBC, described the sculpture as “a raunchy display of Hindu impersonalism at its worst” and demanded that it be taken out of circulation immediately.

The controversial icon went unnoticed by senior devotees until the most recent annual GBC (ISKCON’s Governing Body Commission) meetings. A special top-secret caucus was called to discuss Hindu-Tacki Collectibles’s decision to release the fountain.

While the discussions of the meeting are held under tight confidentiality, the exposure of the figurine has stunned many ISKCON devotees.

Immediately following the special caucus, six prominent sannyasis, including three gurus in good standing, publicly stepped down, unable to maintain their strict vows.

“How could I continue in the saffron dress of a renunciate after seeing such an abominable image?” asked Ahirikam das, former sannyasi.

Several other ex-sannyasis are also struggling with their return to householder life, one even marrying the first woman he saw. “If I didn’t marry a woman, the fountain would have made me think so many abominable thoughts.” said newlywed Upadana das.

“Since viewing the fountain of water spurting from the lingam, I have been unable to think of anything else for days, even weeks,” reveled ex-sannyasis Moha das, adding “I am frightened of continuing such a deviant lifestyle.”

Hindu-Tacki Collectibles CEO, Dandal Patel, issued a press release stating he “sees nothing wrong with Ganesha hugging a Lingham with water spurting from its tip.” However, even with the public outcry in mind, he refuses to consider pulling the Lingham fountain from circulation.

Sannyasis weren’t the only victims of this bawdy knick knack. Seven of ISKCON’s thirteen American brahmacaris put on white after hearing of such a display. Dvesha das, ex-brahmacari, relates, “This is just another attempt by corporate Hinduism to proliferate immoral ideals throughout ISKCON.”

Unable to cope with the shock of the figurine, a two of the seven ex-brahmacaris left ISKCON completely, purchasing a pastel-colored historical row house in San Francisco’s Sunset District.

Due to Hindu-Tacki Collectibles’s failure to immediately act upon their wishes, the GBC declared the statue “amoral.” Though many individual temple gift shops have curbed the sale of it, the GBC stopped short of placing a movement-wide ban upon the lurid sculpture of the Lingham.

Instead, they issued a decree that every package containing the Ganesha Lingham fountain be labeled with a Renunciate Advisory sticker to “warn sannyasis and brahmacaris that the contents of the package may be offensive and detrimental to their spiritual wellbeing.”

“Hopefully the movement can recover from this hardship,” said GBC spokesperson Satyendra Nandi, “our job is to focus on the important issues effecting the devotees spiritual lives.” He added, “And today, we can most definitely claim big, big victory.”