“The initiation of the famous Sriman George Harrison is a long-overdue and auspicious occasion,” said Kapirasa das, who performed the ceremony on behalf of Srila Prabhupada. “His name is now Sriman Hari das.”

Since meeting the devotees in 1969 until the time of his death, ISKCON had been trying to woo Harrison to their cause. Harrison, who often seemed to distance himself from the organization, remained what he called a “plain clothes devotee,” abstaining from meat eating, but not illicit sex and intoxication.

“It is true, he was never able to follow the regulative principles,” said Kapirasa das. ” but now that he has left his body, that is no longer an issue.”

ISKCON representative, Matsaryam das, expressed disgust at the initiation asking, “How can the ritviks do this?” asked When Srila Prabhupada was on the planet, he would have to approve of invitations prior to the ceremony. Now that he is no longer with he, he can give no such approval.” Adding, “besides, everybody knows we had dibs on George!”

“Yes, ISKCON had dibs,” conceited Kapirasa das, “but according to ISKCON’s initiation policy, the disciple has to be alive. Fortunately, being presently on this planet has no bearing to our philosophy.”

Shortly after meeting the devotees, George Harrison told Srila Prabhupada that he wanted to shave up, take initiation and move into a temple. Srila Prabhupada disagreed, stating, “just continue your music and Krishna will be greatly pleased.”

Kapirasa das agreed with Srila Prabhupada’s instruction. “Yes, at that time for Sriman Hari prabhu, those were the perfect instructions. But we must act according to time, place and circumstance. Now that his music career is over, it is time for him to seriously take to Krishna consciousness.”

ISKCON argues that the famous George Harrison was not a follower of the Ritvik ideology. “He was a true vaisnava, a follower of ISKCON,” said Matsaryam. “It is just simple fact that no other means of spiritual realization is as effective in this age of quarrel and hypocrisy as being a member of ISKCON.”

According to sources within the Ritvik camp, a dozen or more devotees have been waiting to take Ritvik initiation. Not from Srila Prabhupada, but from Sriman Hari das, George Harrison.

“After Srila Prabhupada left our mortal vision, we began performing posthumous ritvik initiations on his behalf,” said Kapirasa das. “I see no reason why, since Sriman Hari prabhu has left his body, that we cannot perform initiations on his behalf as well.”

“While the basis of our philosophy is that Srila Prabhupada never told his successors to become gurus in their own right, 95% of our movement was based solely upon silly names for ISKCON gurus,” said Ritvik leader Prema Caitanya das. “And now that we’ve run out, there’s not much more we can do.”

Historically, the Ritvik movement kicked off its campaign of silly names with the now classic “Ravana Svarupa.”

“We knew we were onto something when we discovered that certain ISKCON gurus’ names could easily be changed to something mean or vulgar,” Prema Caitanya said, “We knew it hurt ISKCON deeply.”

To counter these funny names, ISKCON, convinced that ignoring the Ritviks would be enough, waged a war of attrition.

For the next two decades, the Ritvik movement fought an uphill battle against ISKCON’s guru policies. A string of silly names for ISKCON gurus marked their victories.

Perhaps the Ritvik movement’s crowning achievement was the one-two punch of simultaneously changing “ISKCON” to “IT’S-A-CON” and “ISHCON, International Society for Hindu Consciousness.”

“I thought we had them there,” Prema Caitanya reminisces, “it took them several years to recover, and when they did, we hit them where it really hurt.”

Sociology professor, Harold Floyd, an expert in ISKCON relations, agreed. “After the two-pronged “ISKCON” attack, most experts concluded that the feat could not be topped. But coming up with a gem like ‘Rotten-nath’ knocked ISKCON back on its heels.”

“‘Rotten-nath’ nearly dealt us a death-blow,” said ISKCON spokesperson Vivek Shani. “It was a dark time for our movement, we knew that if they hit us once more like that, we would be finished.”

Though devotees and scholars alike questioned how they could top it, as it turned out, it was their swan song. The Ritvik movement struggled for several years since the “Rotten-nath” victory, including several failed silly name attempts.

“Who would have thought that nobody cared about ‘Beer-Krishna Goswami’ or ‘Viper-Mukhya’?” Said Prema Caitanya. We knew we were really at an end when some new Ritvik convert blurted out ‘Shave-ananda Swami’ in an ISKCON chat room.”

According to Prema Caitanya, that is when the Ritvik movement made its decision.

In a press release issued by ISKCON a day after the Ritvik movement’s surrender, it was stated that ISKCON knew all along that “sooner or later the Ritviks would run out of silly names for our gurus.”

As a gesture of goodwill, ISKCON has lifted the ban on Ritvik adherents. Shani asserts that though they have been enemies for so long, “the Ritviks are once again welcome in ISKCON temples.” Adding, “at first they can come and participate in kirtan, but very soon they will be giving class and taking part in temple management.”

Prema Caitanya, who has just recently quit his job as a bank teller to become president of ISKCON’s Birmingham temple, concedes, “I was duped into thinking silly names could prove ISKCON wrong, but through the grace of guru and Gauranga, I could see that I was the one who was mistaken.” Adding, “besides, the pay is better.”

While the Ritvik movement has officially disbanded, it is reported that militant factions of ritvik guerrillas have set up camps on the hills overlooking several rural ISKCON centers. It is unclear what their motives may be. This story is still developing.