There are many book distributors out there who can offer you tips about how to sell Srila Prabhupada’s books to the fallen, conditioned souls. Some focus on techniques like getting the book into their hands. Some use a sliding scale for prices. And some even resort to wearing karmi clothes.

But I’ve got a tip for you that is guaranteed to always get results: Look like John Stamos.

It’s easy to distribute books when you look like John Stamos.

You know, the famous Uncle Jesse from the hit 80’s sitcom, Full House. The character of Uncle Jesse was beloved by all! The girls thought he was a hunk and the guys all wanted to be like him. Believe me, I know what that’s like and thanks to John Stamos, I’m raking in the laxmi points on sankirtana!

Now, I hear what you’re saying, “but Janastotram prabhu, I don’t look like John Stamos!” And I can see how you’d think that’s a problem. I’ve got a secret, I didn’t look like John Stamos either until I grew the iconic Stamos mullet. I was shaved up for years until one day when I was applying Tilaka and caught a glimpse of John Stamos in the mirror.

A year later the mullet was fully installed – even had a special puja for it. And after a small out-patient procedure, I was John Stamos. My book scores doubled!

Another tip I can give you, and this is pretty important, adopt a catch phrase. I’ve taken nicely to the Elvis-inspired Uncle Jesse quote, “Have Mercy!.” On Full House, whenever Uncle Jesse would see a fine young lady, he would curl his lip like The King, wiggle his hips and say “Have Merr-saaaay!”

And since Srila Prabhupada’s message is 100% pure mercy, I can casually saunter up to a karmi, place a Gita in their hands, curl my upper lip and say it: Have Mercy! The girls all melt and the guys wish they were devotees who looked like me. It’s great!

But maybe you look too much unlike John Stamos to really be a convincing John Stamos. Might I suggest another cultural figure from other 80’s sitcoms? Take Joey Lawrence, for example. Do you look anything like Joey Lawrence? He’s no John Stamos, but I bet you could sling a few Gitas after throwing around a couple of “WHOA”’s. Or how about Kirk Cameron from TV’s Growing Pains? Ever thought about Scott Baio from Charles in Charge? Get yourself a Willie Ames and watch your Laxmi points soar!

Oh, and for the matajis, may I suggest Jo or Blair from The Facts of Life? Get two other girls to be Natalie and Tuti, dress up the ashrama leader as Mrs Garret and you’ve got yourself the best themed sankirtana party ever! And men, don’t completely rule out an A-Team sankirtana party! “I pity the fool who don’t take Prabhupada’s Gita!”

But there are, of course, some caveats. Personally, I would forget the instinct to attain Happy Days’s Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli. Sure he’s iconic, but everyone wants to be The Fonz. Seriously, if I see another devotee with slicked back hair, motorcycle jacket and tshirt holding “Perfect Questions, Perfect Answers” with one hand and giving a “thumbs up” with the other, I’m going to scream. And come on, what kind of catch phrase is, “Aaaaay!”? May I please beg to submit “Who’s the Boss” lead, Tony Micelli (played by the lovable Tony Danza) as a suitable alternative.

Oh, a word of caution: stay away from Balki Bartokomous of TV’s Perfect Strangers. Trust me, folks – not pretty.

So when you’re sitting by yourself in the ashrama at night, thinking of your sankirtana look, may I humbly suggest the 80’s situation comedies as a source of inspiration. John Stamos has served me (and Srila Prabhupada!) very well over the years. If you’ve been contemplating a Michael J Fox, Erik Estrada or even a Bill Cosby, I say go for it! Make the power of the 80’s sitcom work for you (and Krishna)!