This retreat center is nestled deep within the city limits of Youngstown, far from the spiritual trivialities of a more natural surrounding.

The week-long seminar will focus upon living a true “fringie” lifestyle without the guilt commonly associated with leading a double-life.

• TREAT yourself by taking time to focus on your relationship popular culture, the building block of good prajalpa.
• RELEARN how to properly speak English without an affected Bengali accent and head-wobble.
• DISCOVER all the popular culture you missed out on when you moved into a temple. This Prajalpa Retreat will host a Seinfeld Marathon!
• BRIDGE the gap between where you are in your spiritual life and where you want to be in your material life.
• CONNECT deeply with devotees who are serious about improving their prajalpa.

In the past, Prajalpa Retreats have met with great success. Many devotees didn’t think twice about shelling out the nearly $800 to do something they do for free everyday.

“The Prajalpa Retreat in Flint, Michigan can not be compared to any other event that I have ever attended through many years,” related Anarthanandini devi dasi. “Except, perhaps, that one time when a few bhaktins and I sneaked out to Atlantic City and blew nearly a grand in a weekend. Those were fun times.”

Bam-bambole das, a confessed Prajalpa Retreat junky relates, “I have been prajalpaing for nearly a decade, but the retreats have finally shown me how the karmis really do it. It has had a profound effect on my material life. I have had so many failed businesses, but I now feel that I could host Prajalpa Retreats of my own and it would be very much successful.”

However, the Prajalpa Retreats are not without controversy. Manava das Goswami, one of the most outspoken opponents of the retreats, said, “These retreats are nonsense money-making schemes. You do not need to pay nearly $1000 to learn how to watch TV, gossip and engage in activities in which so many are naturally expert. Simply by practicing prajalpa, better prajalpa will effortlessly come to you.”

The Youngstown Prajalpa Retreat will cover all the regular topics common to Level One retreats, but will also add a few new surprises, including: How to Quote Srila Prabhupada to Fit Your Needs and Krishna Wants You to Be Rich.

While Wednesday will feature the much-anticipated Seinfeld Marathon, Thursday will feature Retreat favorite Harry-katha by Harry Anderson, star of the hit 80’s sitcom Night Court.

Prasadam will be arranged through the Taco Bell across the street and the vending machine in the lobby. Just offer it to Shiva or something.

The Prajalpa Retreat will wind down on Sunday night following the Steelers/Giants game on Fox TV. Go Steelers!

Prajalpa Retreat, Level 2 will be taking place in April of 2009 in Parking Lot C at the Sunoco Oil Refinery in South Philadelphia.

“It was becoming increasingly difficult to preach inside of a city with so many people,” relates Subhash Jeevanandam, temple president. “The philosophy is so nice that if you preach to them, they want to join up, they want to keep coming back. That becomes big, big expense.”

In order to curtail such a frivolous use of money, the temple management board unanimously voted to move the temple way the hell outside of town where “nobody will find us.”

The Hindu Laxmi Mission Cultural Center co-sponsored the building after the Krishnas agreed to fill half the slots on their temple board with the Mission’s highest-ranking officials.

“Now, we can do fund raising exclusively within the Hindu community,” said Bipal Patel, temple board member. “All of our monetary needs are met through samskaras and birthday parties. What need do we have for street preaching and book distribution?”

The Hare Krishnas had been long-time residents of downtown Albuquerque opening their temple in 1972. Since then, devotees had been a staple of city life. The free Sunday “Love Feasts” were attended and appreciated by city-bound followers, the homeless, curious passers-by and neighborhood residents.

“Yes, many people would come,” said Mr. Patel. “But you would have to preach to them and give them free food and sometimes free books. They had no money for donations. Did they think we were in the business of liberally distributing the Lord’s mercy for free?”

Chris Jenkins, who regularly attended the Sunday feast program, claims that he will miss the downtown temple, “I can’t make it all the way the hell out there on Sunday nights. I work the next morning.”

Temple board members conceded that they will lose some city devotees, but did not express concern. “The city devotees were not self sufficient. They would come and eat our Sunday feast and give only a little donation or maybe buy a book.”

Temple president, Jeevanandam continued, “They could not sponsor feasts or ceremonies. They did not even want car pooja. How are they not wanting car pooja – so fallen! Not only does our new congregation demand car pooja, they sponsor the feasts, and cook them too.”

Since the new congregation is not preached to, book sales have plummeted. The temple has even returned several pallets of unneeded books to the BBT.

“What were we going to do with them?” asked Mr. Patel. “Our congregation now is Hindu, what need do we have for Srila Prabhupada? His books won’t bring as much money as maha-kalasha or pooja thali. Prabhupada always said to do the needful, but what is the need for so many books way the hell outside of town?”

On the first Sunday night without a downtown free feast in 36 years, a crowd gathered near the closed down and boarded up ex-temple. Several brought drums and finger cymbals. One long time attendee softly sang the Hare Krishna mantra as other wiped tears from their eyes before singing along.

“It’s a shame they had to do this,” said Bonnie Clarkson, another weekly attendee from the city temple, “I was really taking to the philosophy. It seemed perfect.” Adding, “maybe we’ll go check out the Narayana Maharaja folks or the Ritviks, at least they still seem to be preaching. Plus they’re not way the hell outside of town.”

“What this amounts to is thievery,” says BBT International legal spokesperson Clarence Richards “Do these people really believe it is right to quote copyrighted scripture during these lectures without the express written permission of the BBT International? It’s stealing.”

BBT International charges that illegal citations of Srila Prabhupada’s books are costing Srila Prabhupada’s movement. Richards continues, “44% of BBT International’s revenue loss has been due to illegal citation.”

Earlier this year, the BBT International claimed a “phenomenal increase” in book sales. They now admit that the increase was due to accidentally counting Srila Prabhupada books printed in India by non-BBT International book trusts.

“Originally we believed reports that claimed sales were up,” said long time book distributor Pitha das. “But then I remembered that I haven’t distributed a book since the 2001 Rainbow Gathering and figured that their math must be a bit fuzzy.”

The usage rates that BBT International is slated to charge are very simple. The basic rate of $.36 per word will apply. Long hyphonated sanskrit words do not count as one long word, rather as several shorter words.

There are provisions for high-volume users such as gurus or professional lecturers. These devotees may buy rights in bulk, depending on their speaking schedule.

While similar “kickbacks” are seen as greedy in the karmi world, the BBT’s kickbacks are generally seen as Srila Prabhupada’s desire. “ISKCON is Srila Prabhupada’s body,” said BBT’s GBC represenative, Vani-kauta das. “Whatever ISKCON does must be Srila Prabhupada’s desire.”

Former sastra-sharer, Durmadha das agreed, “I used to recite verse after verse in Bhagavatam class. I now see how this stealing is wrong. From now on, all I will do is tell funny stories.”

For independent speakers, a 20 word limit per class will be imposed. Anyone violating the 20 word limit will be subject to hefty fines and possible arrest.

“While we believe it is nice that so many devotees want to quote nice scripture, we have a few guidelines we are asking them to follow,” said BBT International’s public relations spokesperson Anrita devi dasi, adding “We also request that, if possible, these be short words and that copyright notices are somehow displayed when verses are quoted.”

Though the vast majority of devotees support BBT International in this decision, there are a few fringe groups of devotee who claim to be in opposition.

“The quoting of scipture falls under ‘fair use,’” says rogue shastra sharer Caura das. “We’re not reprinting the books or making money off of it, we just want to quote Srila Prabhupada and the Vedas.”

But that is where the shastra sharers are mistaken, asserts Richards. “For it to fall under fair use, the quote must be attributed to the original artist. Many of these criminals do not even say ‘uvaca’ before quoting.”

He added, “Besides, the botched sanskrit significantly impairs market value of BBT International’s books, further drawing it away from the ‘fair use’ category.”

To prove to the devotee community that they are serious, BBT International has sued Mugdha das brahmacari $108,000 for running a Bhagavad-gita study group out of his ashrama room since 2004.

“We wanted to take out the most hardened criminals first and Mugdha prabhu was one of the worst,” said Anrita devi dasi. “His actual fines were in the millions of dollars, but we are offering a manageable, auspicious number as settlement.”

BBT International is preparing criminal lawsuits against thousands of devotees. And though their actions may fully bankrupt Srila Prabhupada’s movement, the changes will more than likely go unnoticed by most devotees.

FLORIDA – When the International Society for Krishna Consciousness was first incorporated in 1965, the Society consisted mostly of young men and women, but as its members grew older, the dynamics of the movement changed.

Many of the nation’s elderly live in nursing homes, enduring chronic pain and loneliness. Though the aged are greatly inconvenienced, they lack better options. This is where the devotee-fronted business Nursing Temple, Inc. comes in.

“Today, you will find only old folks here,” says the President Sad-Isvara das, 94. “Our scriptures advise us to care for our elders.”

While nondevotee nursing homes are fully staffed with trained nurses and doctors to tend to the round-the-clock care of the residents, Nursing Temple sees this as an affront to God.

“We prefer to depend soley upon Krishna, says Tyagini dasi, 69, Nursing Temple’s board president. “Why waste time on maintaining this body, which is nothing but a decaying bag of puss, stool and urine?”

West Coast Governing Body Commissioner, Drishtaketu dasa (102), said: “The youngest devotee in my zone joined 1979. He’s a rookie. I don’t trust those young whippersnappers. They don’t know what we had to go through in 1966.”

The activities at Nursing Temple are focused mainly around the grhastas. This has angered Rishi das, 86, the lone brahmacari in the community. “The grhastas never treat me as an equal. They think brahmacaris are immature and escapists.”

Though most of the relationships within Nursing Temple are blissful, not everyone has been able to cultivate friendly relationships in the temple community. “I’ve bickered with Pari since 1968, when he was leading the college preaching in Iowa,” said Maha Yudha das, 94. The 95 year old Pari replied: “Now you can see his mentality, he doesn’t even call me by my full name, Paritoshananda, although I am an older devotee.”

Sexism, too, is a common problem. A radical feminst group calling themselves “The Prabhus” wrote numerous letters of protest to the GBC. “We want to park our wheelchairs on the right-half of the temple room during the arotik, not in the back,” demanded Prabhus’s spokeswoman Bhima dasi, 87. Adding, “we know where they keep their Geritol!”

In the early days the society was accused of depriving its members of sleep and forcing them to overwork. “It’s true, we went through some rough times,” the president said, “we were young and inexperienced. Nowadays it’s completely different. We have several nap times throughout the day. Quiet hour starts at 6pm.”

Since even the management of Nursing Temple is elder, the question of who will replace them once they leave their bodies and go back home back to Godhead has been raised. “Ma suchah, do not fear. We are strict vegetarians. We have another decade or two before we will leave our bodies,” said the 94 year old Sad-Isvara. “Some have been saying that I should let the youngens take over. That’s hogwash. They can have my position when they pry it out of my cold, dead hands.”

Other senior disciples agreed. Drishtaketu added, “my GBC zone will collapse the day I give it up. They just need me. Sure, at 102, I am getting little older, but there’s still juice in me.”

Nursing Temple, Inc. is providing the aging vaisnavas a positive alternative to their kids throwing them in karmi-run nursing homes.

Tyangini agreed, “Karmi nursing homes are simply waiting rooms for the hellish planets. Come to Nursing Temple and take a nice long sponge bath in the mercy of Lord Mahaprabhu.”

Typically, this waiting period is 2-3 business days, the time it takes for temple treasurer Nandakumar Gupta to prepare the papers for the IRS and accountant, Larry Spigman.

“Usually we are very quick,” says Gupta from behind a stack of W-4 forms. “But now Larry is busy with so many things. We are very quickly searching for new accountant.”

The arrival of new devotees was at an all-time low, until the temple board decided to hire full time sankirtana workers. These full time employees, many who were out-of-work TV commercial actors, work 40 hours a week chanting, dancing and distributing books on the corner of Maple and High Streets. The results of their labor are obvious.

“Normally, we’d get one or two new bhaktas a month, but now we get four or five a week,” said bhakta leader Balanga das, adding, “It’s really hard to keep up with all the paperwork.”

In the past month, the temple has taken on over 20 new bhaktas. Nearly all of these bhaktas are awaiting the processing of their work papers.

“I just want to mop a floor or clean some pots,” says new convert, Bhakta Todd, “I can’t wait to get in there and do some real seva.”

Bhakta Joe, who joined up with Bhakta Todd, agreed, “I don’t get it, why can’t we clean the temple or a bathroom or two?”

Some congregational members suggested that the temple pay the new bhaktas “under the table.” But, according to temple authorities, working “under the table” (the practice of paying a worker without reporting it to the IRS) is something that the temple would never do. “It is simply wrong,” say Gupta, “for a bhakta to earn wages and not report, it is robbery, he is criminal.”

Another problem addressed at an emergency temple board meeting is that if the rate of new bhaktas does not soon decrease, the temple will be unable to pay the new adherents, even after the paperwork is sorted out.

“We are given only so much laxmi for payroll,” say Gupta, “we are now having to turn new devotees away, we have no more positions to fill.”

The temple board has also placed a hiring freeze on new bhaktas. The sankirtan workers can still go out to collect laxmi, but for now they are not allowed to bring back any new recruits.

“I just don’t know what to do,” said a visibly upset Jason Marsh, who has been studying Srila Prabhupada’s books, classes and conversations for over a year, “I wanted to join the temple, be in the association of devotees, to do some service.”

When Marsh was told about the hiring freeze, he asked the sankirtana manager, “Hiring freeze? Didn’t Srila Prabhupada say that temple devotees shouldn’t get salaries? I just want to do service, I don’t want to get paid, I just want to do it for free.”

The sankirtana manager replied by saying, “Prabhu, you can quote Srila Prabhupada all you want, but to work at the temple, you have to be on payroll. Anything else just isn’t practical.”

Back at the temple, the new bhaktas have been told to read from Srila Prabhupada’s books until the paperwork can be processed, however, even that practice has been called into question.

“Srila Prabhupada says that even reading his books is devotional service,” says temple board member Ravi Patel, “how can a devotee perform devotional service when not on the temple payroll?” Adding, “you are asking for big, big lawsuit.”

“We basically ran out of devotees to interview,” said Priyavaisnava devi dasi, spokesperson for ITV. “The first generation of Srila Prabhupada disciples have told their story. Now it’s time for the first generation of viewers to tell theirs.”

According to the ITV Productions website, this new series will contain “Nectarian interviews of devotees who have had personal viewing of the famous Memories of Srila Prabhupada series.” It continues, “Interviews with devotee who actually saw the original Memories of Srila Prabhupada reveal many sides to the Memories series, including poignant serious moments and light hearted humorous pastimes.”

Adding, “the Memories of Srila Prabhupada series has been around so long that few devotees can remember a time when it did not exist.”

While the exact release date of the early volumes of the original Memories of Srila Prabhupada series remains shrouded in mystery, several devotees can still recall their first viewing.

“I remember, it was probably two or three years after I joined up… or maybe it was when I moved to the Dallas temple…” said Krsna Prema dasa, adding “No, I got it, it was after I got back from my first time in India… or maybe it was my second, anyway, those videos were great.”

ITV has stated that they will be interviewing five or six devotees for each volume, starting with the devotees who joined up “sometime in the late 80’s or early 90’s.”

“The devotees who viewed the first several volumes of Memories of Srila Prabhupada have either blooped or are getting to the age where they soon won’t even remember viewing it,” said Priyavaisnava. “Time is now critical. It’s important that their memories are preserved for future generations.”

Keeping with their tradition of interviewing controversial devotees like Kirtananda das and Hamsadutta das, ITV plans on devoting an entire volume to Vraja Kishor das from the famous straightedge krishnacore band 108, who first viewed the series in the early 90’s while on tour with Shelter.

“Originally, we wanted to split that volume with Harley Flannigan of the Cro-Mags,” said Priyavaisnava, “but since Harley couldn’t even remember being a devotee, the entire volume went to Vraja.”

The Memories of Memories of Srila Prabhupada DVD series is projected to span 54 volumes, bringing this entire Prabhupada series total to an even 108, thus making it auspicious.

“The assembled devotees would be crazy to miss out on such an auspicious event,” Mahavikas said. “But with the new samskaras coming in, the old ones must go, go, go.”

For over a decade, the temple brahmins have offered the same samskaras at competitive prices. But with competition from the larger Shree Pooja Temple only 10 miles away, sales of samskaras have dropped off considerably.

“We must be able to remain an important player in the samskara market,” said temple treasurer Laxmipooja das. “What good will be be if we can’t compete with Big Hindu?”

The temple board quickly approved the sale proposal, though rumors that the brahmins offered board members discounts on Vahana Pooja could not be substantiated.

In a commercial aimed at the large Hindu population, temple brahmin Adwaita Acarya das, known as “Crazy Addie,” appears frantic as he flails his arms. “You’ll save money like never before! We have the guaranteed lowest prices on anything and everything samskara related! Save big, big, big bucks during Crazy Addie’s Samskara Blow Out Sale-O-Rama!”

The ad ends as Adwaita Acarya holds several packs of brahmin threads in his hands, shaking them as he says, “Upanyana for only $108? We’re practically giving the threads away!” Adding, “Our prices are INSANE!”

While the sale includes drastically reduced prices on all samskaras, not all are being dropped to accommodate the forthcoming rites. Standards like Vivaha and Antyeshti will remain while lesser-common rituals such as Shanty Havana, Nskramanam and Vidyarambha will be cut.

“The poojas that we will be adding are based very much on fun,” head poojari Ramesh Chatterjee, announced at a pooja ceremony to announce the clearance sale. “Birthday Pooja, Anniversary Pooja and Engagement Ceremony will all be added.”

He continued, “and if you place security deposit within next thirty day, we will give first class Bhangra DJ at practically no cost to you.”

The sale starts with the month of Phalguna, and will continue through Chaitra, if astrological calculations prove it to be auspicious to do so.