Please accept my most arrogant obeisances.
please kiss the dust of my lotus feet.

all glories to Saturday Night Fever.
all glories to disco disco and tight pants.
May the peace and grace of Allah the almighty, the munificent, the red-headed, the vata-aggravated be upon all of my lowly disciples and may they come to know the greatness and unlimitedly tremendous extent of my humility.
at this introductory moment i would like to state that apart from Osama bin Ladin, I am the only true vaisnava on this planet (and I will soon be starting my own society called OBFUScationKCON)

After many years of being a devout follower of the ritvik branch of Al Quaida and after having blown myself up in numerous populous places all over Israel I now have a desire to take holy ritvik initiation from HG Sriman Hari das Prabhu. Such an exalted devotee as myself of course needs no guru whatsoever(I am a reincarnation of L Ron Hubbard)
however I would like to take diksha from this saintly personality.

Back in ‘Nam when I was fighting the ubiquitous Charlie I dropped a lot of acid and I saw a UFO. Elvis came out of the UFO and He told me that he was a great jyotishi who had come to reveal my great future. I would be a sexy housewife with big knockers growing marijuana in Arizona who would have a sex change operation and become a great al Qaida suicide bomber.

After a successful career as a suicide bomber
I shaved off my beard, took the towel off my head, got off my camel and took seriously to the practice of sadhana bhakti under my esteemed Guru HDHG Half a round per day das.

Half a round per day das taught me that i should start by reading Cc then work my way to Bhagawatam then down to prabhupadas small books then to reading the instructions on the back of Kelloggs boxes. Only writing on the back of cereal boxes could be considered to be truely derived from the 6 goswamis.

anyway, as time passed i developed a greater and greater love for disco disco, late night smors and jelly doughnuts. i was kinda putting on a little weight and it was hard for me to put on my disco disco pants which i always wore in the mornings when doing aerobics to the Osama bin Ladin GET IN SHAPE TIGHTEN THOSE ABS OR I’ll blow up your ass VHS.

it was at this stage that i saw srila prabhupada in a dream. he was riding on a white horse and he was carrying a copy of STAR WARS the full DVD collection in this hand. HDG said to me: Watch Star Wars to gain enlightenmint and never never ever trim your butt hairs on ekadasi.

as i took to the sadhana of watching star wars and the vrata of never trimming my butt hairs on ekadasi i went into a deep trance in which i saw rupa goswami, sanatana goswami and tina turner all mud wrestling.

coming out of the trance some years later, i took my copy of the Quran, which was under the back table leg of my wobbly outside furniture and started searching deeply for messages about disco disco, tight pants, ritvikism and teeth whitening.

in the Quran I found a reference to George Harrison and the beatles which went something like this:

“one the fourth day of the lunar eclipsing cycle of venus, when jupiter is in the 7th house, when many women are on the rag, and when disco disco is dying, out from the womb of USA (also referred to as “born in the USA” in the Quran) the beatles will come”

I knew AT that moment that i wanted to take initiation from this great dead devotee.

your significant servant
the puffed up puri
bhakta abdullah allahallahallahh wannashagme?

Prabhupada was so pleased with George that he spared him from the ashram.