OPINION by Janastotram dasa brahmacari
There are many book distributors out there who can offer you tips about how to sell Srila Prabhupada’s books to the fallen, conditioned souls. Some focus on techniques like getting the book into their hands. Some use a sliding scale for prices. And some even resort to wearing karmi clothes.
But I’ve got a tip for you that is guaranteed to always get results: Look like John Stamos.
It’s easy to distribute books when you look like John Stamos.
You know, the famous Uncle Jesse from the hit 80’s sitcom, Full House. The character of Uncle Jesse was beloved by all! The girls thought he was a hunk and the guys all wanted to be like him. Believe me, I know what that’s like and thanks to John Stamos, I’m raking in the laxmi points on sankirtana!
Now, I hear what you’re saying, “but Janastotram prabhu, I don’t look like John Stamos!” And I can see how you’d think that’s a problem. I’ve got a secret, I didn’t look like John Stamos either until I grew the iconic Stamos mullet. I was shaved up for years until one day when I was applying Tilaka and caught a glimpse of John Stamos in the mirror.
A year later the mullet was fully installed - even had a special puja for it. And after a small out-patient procedure, I was John Stamos. My book scores doubled!
Another tip I can give you, and this is pretty important, adopt a catch phrase. I’ve taken nicely to the Elvis-inspired Uncle Jesse quote, “Have Mercy!.” On Full House, whenever Uncle Jesse would see a fine young lady, he would curl his lip like The King, wiggle his hips and say “Have Merr-saaaay!”
And since Srila Prabhupada’s message is 100% pure mercy, I can casually saunter up to a karmi, place a Gita in their hands, curl my upper lip and say it: Have Mercy! The girls all melt and the guys wish they were devotees who looked like me. It’s great!
But maybe you look too much unlike John Stamos to really be a convincing John Stamos. Might I suggest another cultural figure from other 80’s sitcoms? Take Joey Lawrence, for example. Do you look anything like Joey Lawrence? He’s no John Stamos, but I bet you could sling a few Gitas after throwing around a couple of “WHOA”’s. Or how about Kirk Cameron from TV’s Growing Pains? Ever thought about Scott Baio from Charles in Charge? Get yourself a Willie Ames and watch your Laxmi points soar!
Oh, and for the matajis, may I suggest Jo or Blair from The Facts of Life? Get two other girls to be Natalie and Tuti, dress up the ashrama leader as Mrs Garret and you’ve got yourself the best themed sankirtana party ever! And men, don’t completely rule out an A-Team sankirtana party! “I pity the fool who don’t take Prabhupada’s Gita!”
But there are, of course, some caveats. Personally, I would forget the instinct to attain Happy Days’s Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli. Sure he’s iconic, but everyone wants to be The Fonz. Seriously, if I see another devotee with slicked back hair, motorcycle jacket and tshirt holding “Perfect Questions, Perfect Answers” with one hand and giving a “thumbs up” with the other, I’m going to scream. And come on, what kind of catch phrase is, “Aaaaay!”? May I please beg to submit “Who’s the Boss” lead, Tony Micelli (played by the lovable Tony Danza) as a suitable alternative.
Oh, a word of caution: stay away from Balki Bartokomous of TV’s Perfect Strangers. Trust me, folks - not pretty.
So when you’re sitting by yourself in the ashrama at night, thinking of your sankirtana look, may I humbly suggest the 80’s situation comedies as a source of inspiration. John Stamos has served me (and Srila Prabhupada!) very well over the years. If you’ve been contemplating a Michael J Fox, Erik Estrada or even a Bill Cosby, I say go for it! Make the power of the 80’s sitcom work for you (and Krishna)!
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25 responses so far ↓
1 zapped // Aug 1, 2008 at 11:00 pm
my cousin was an extra on the set of happy days. scott baio kissed my hand when i was five after i attended a dress rehearsal. i would have traded in my barbies for a set of happy dolls on the spot!
2 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 3, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I went up to one chick on Sankirtan. It was back when Charlie’s Angels was all the rage. She had a Farah Faucett hairdo, and pimbles all over her face. I told her she looked just like Farah. Got me $10.00.
I was distributing in Atlantic City on the same weekend as the Miss America Pagent. I went up to one woman and asked if she was Miss Iowa. Got me a $20.
3 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 3, 2008 at 9:55 pm
For years I wore a scratchy wig out on book distribution. Finally after 6 years of it I had enough! I grew my hair back. I am now in my late 50’s. You know what the funniest thing is? All my hair is pretty much salt & pepper, leaning towards the salt now, but there is a curious tuft of black hair where my sika used to be. Can’t seem to escape, no matter how hard I try.
4 Nandini // Aug 3, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Boy-R-D dasa(not the chef)
Good thing you didn’t have to spell on Sankirtan. That would have gotten you $0.00
5 Appreciative Reader // Aug 4, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Nandini, to quote Jar Jar Binks…..”How wuuuude!”
6 Kenny // Aug 4, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Oddly enough, Jar Jar was quoting Stephanie Tanner from the 80’s sitcom Full House, starring none other than John Stamos.
7 Nandini // Aug 4, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Appreciative Reader,
Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) is already in my heart for his book distribution to the suffering conditioned souls. I apologize if I hurt him with my comment. I could not resist pointing at the irony of him making fun of the girls while he himself can’t spell: What if the girls knew, would they laugh at him or would they be sympathetic? Me, I would be sympathetic on account of his selling transcendental literature. Indeed, in the end we jivas are all in this together, we are all equally laughable and lovable. As far as giving a big donation to the hare krishna dude on the street, I think those girls were very fortunate to have Boy-R-D (not the chef) flattering them into buying the book. Everyone won. Me, I am eternally grateful to the devotee who sold me my first book. I saw through the scam when it happened, I knew he was wearing a wig and was not a student but a preacher. But I loved that he was so brave and so non-conformist, that he was so radically giving away a spirituality he clearly believed in. In a world where everyone around was just going through the motions like sheep herded out to graze, I thought he was pretty cool in his act - he didn’t care what the world thought of his wig or dress. He wanted to give me a book which he believed in but which was invasive, so to speak. I was fascinated by this. And the book: it was perfect! As a matter of fact, the quality of these hare krishna books - to this day, they are unbeatable. We just take it for granted but when literature like this drops in the hands of those who have been searching for it - its just a matchless event for them. And for us.
8 Appreciative Reader // Aug 4, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Nandini,
_/\o_
9 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 5, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I usually run it through the spell check - but I was in a huray so I didn’t. So I didn’t spell Farah Fawcet right - you get the point!
I was distributing books for ISKCON Philly one fine cold Saturday back in 1976. I ran around the parking lot all day long selling hardbound teachings of Lord Chaitanya. It was 8:00 at night. I was hungry, and cold. But I had sold 40 hardbound books in parking lot out in the middle of nowhere!
I called my temple president and asked if I could get a ride back to the temple. He told me “who do you think you are - take the bus!”. Who was I? A guy with $500 in my pocket - a lot back in 1976. To this day I ask myself why I didn’t take the next flight down to the Bahamas. But I learned my lesson not to try so hard.
Nobody cares!
10 Devak // Aug 5, 2008 at 2:34 pm
INDIA
Aug. 5.08
Kerala State
Dear Brother Boy R D Dasa:
I read your sweet story above and I reflect upon your life.
In spite of the fact that you felt somewhat under appreciated, those may have been some of the happiest days of your life.
In life we really don’t have to do anything. We just have to love God and be of service as best we know how. I get the very strong feeling that you are well along your path of spiritual enlightenment, if not already there!
Are you still involved with any Temple in the service of your fellow God brothers? I include everyone, of course.
“Nobody cares!”…..I’m not so sure about that.
Your story and your life has affected me today.
Devak…….on the way back to Godhead
11 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 5, 2008 at 3:42 pm
It is just an unhealed wound! I chant my rounds every day - not all of them - but some.
Just try to appreciate what I did. I sold books in the rain, snow, sleat and hail for 6 years, 7 days a week - no time off, no freedom, certainly no trips to India ever offered to me. I slept on a hard floor every night. I was celibate for 6 years. I turned in all the money I collected. But there wasn’t much love to be had in ISKCON, and really what else do you work for?
It is the reality, and why I am so bitter. I am not bitter all the time, but most of the time. If I knew a way to get unbitter I would accept it gladly.
I try to get the hell out of the way of devotees so they can’t exploit me any more and grind me down further than I already am.
12 Appreciative Reader // Aug 5, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Dear Boy-R-D…..I am sad that you are so bitter and feel your ISKCON experience to be an unhealed wound. You are very brave to be so honest. Life in the temple was extremely traumatic for many people, and sometimes recovery is more difficult for some than for others. This is a very complex subject. Have you thought about counseling? Also, there is a website for devotees who have left ISKCON. Some people on there have left Gaudiya Vaishnavism completely, but I think many are devotees who’ve just had it with ISKCON. It may be therapeutic for you to share your experiences honestly with lots of people who’ve been through the same things. Good luck!
http://www.gaudiya-repercussions.com/
13 Devak // Aug 5, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Dear Appreciative Reader:
Thank you so much for addressing these issues with Boy R D. I don’t think I could really add anything to your wise words to him.
The sad rememberances need to be washed away. It appears that Boy R D is well on his way towards his goal of peace of mind. The lemon needs to be turned into lemonade.
Sometimes it takes me a long time to learn my lessons in life. The difference between school and life is that in life, you get the test first.
It might help to look at that six years as an intense learning experience for Boy R D. It sounds like he is a more wise and stronger person for it. He can use this as a way of helping others. That’s what I would recommend.
I have read every book written by ex-devotees. It helped me to understand ISKCON and myself.
For Boy R D I say this: I behold the living God within you.
We often look for external spiritual nourishment, when in fact we all sit at the very center of the beatific vision. We can all commune directly with God….we don’t need go-betweens. … so to speak.
Devak
PS: thanks for posting the website link for former……… and current devotees.
14 Praveen // Aug 7, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Hey! You used my idea! I like where you went with it! Thanks!
15 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 7, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Thank you to Appreciative Reader. I did go back and read your post. I did as you suggested and checked out gaudiya-repercussions.com. I checked what the site is about. I book marked it too, and will take time to read the articles to see if I can fit in over there.
Gaudiya-repercussions states though that it is not a Vaishnava website. It is for people who have left ISKCON and don’t wish to be part of it anymore. That isn’t me. I chant every day. I read Srila Prabhupada’s books every day. I worship my deities by offering freshly picked flowers and make floral arrangements for them, I offer them water, and offer fine incense every day.
I have been burned by some devotees, but not by every devotee. I am mostly just unhappy because I can’t feel the presence of the Lord. It has been such a long time since I have had a high spiritual experience, and I feel dissapointed and frustrated. But I don’t hate devotees or ISKCON because of it.
16 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 8, 2008 at 12:35 am
I will check out Gaudiya-repercussions. Looks like they have lots of good discussions going on over there. I will keep the same name too, and accept the heat for the dumb things I said, instead of hiding behind a new identity.
17 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 8, 2008 at 9:46 am
I distributed books not because I had some blind belief in Krishna Consciousness, or because I thought I was saving the world. I did it purely for selfish reasons - it got me stoned.
I have done a lot of self analysis about this. I took drugs in high school back in the sixties because I was nuts then, as I am now, and I was self-medicating. My dad was nuts, but he couldn’t tell his sons that they might be nuts too, because he was propably afraid of losing his job or being publically ostrosized, so he kept completely quiet about it, until just a couple of years ago.
For me I have had to suffer mental anguish for decades, every day. I have always been looking for something that might make me feel better. I really hated getting stoned in high school, but it freed me from my mind, and I felt more at peace, even though in actuality my life was falling apart more and more.
I ran into Krishna Consciousness. It gave me a natural high, and freed me from drugs.
I distributed books because I got high when I did it. I tested it out many times, just to see if it was my imagination. I felt an electrical charge of joy everytime a book left my hand, so I sold books all the time, as much as possible, purely for the high.
One day I couldn’t get high anymore doing it, so I quit. I tried again and again but the high wasn’t there anymore.
I tried to distribute again a couple of years back, but no go, so I gave up. I couldn’t really ever sell books again, so I bought a case and gave them away for free. But no high and no feeling, so I gave up.
18 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 8, 2008 at 1:02 pm
The only reason I am saying this is are you sure you have the devotees all figured out? You make an article like this, as well as others at this site, I sense, because maybe you read some of ISKCON’s literature, or you went to the Sunday feast, and so you think you can tear down the devotees because their fakes in your minds and you have their number. What I am saying is I practice Krishna Consciousness because I am desparate. I am suffering and looking for answers. I can’t manufacture happiness no matter how hard I try, and I have tried as hard as I can. I am dependent on a Supreme Sanctioning Authority for everything I need. I happen to call Him Krishna, but other names are good too.
19 Devak // Aug 8, 2008 at 2:14 pm
INDIA
Kerala State
Aug 8.08
Dear Boy R D:
How are you today? Haribol!
‘Janastotram dasa brahmacari’ wrote the article above the comments. Are you referring to him in your comments ?
I was just wondering because the article is only satire and not meant to offend anyone.
As for myself I am a devotee and so was my mother. My grandfather was a spritual teacher back in the day.
The name I reference above may just be a name he uses for this site. You also use a name different from your spiritual name.
Devak………….is my real spiritual name. And like all other Western devotees I have a mundane name.
20 Kenny // Aug 8, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Wait… you mean this article wasn’t REAL?!
21 Devak // Aug 8, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Yes, Kenny……I don’t think these articles are REAL. People just write them so that we can laugh at ourselves. You didn’t know that? [BTW, I can't prove it. Maybe one article was real...Eric said, one was real. But which one?]
Nothing is real. All is illusion except the bills that come in the mail.
The other thing that is real is death. But, not to worry, I am working on a method to avoid it. I’ll be posting on this real soon. There are just a few more bugs to work out and we can all relax.
Love,
Devak……………
22 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 8, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Ok so I was ranting. I just noticed that rants weren’t be deleted so I took advantage of the situation.
23 lgh // Aug 8, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Wait! I do believe these comments are becoming too far removed from the article’s essence - the sankirtan benefits of sitcom-likeness. I am mostly interested in which Nick at Nite characters NOT to look like. I see that Perfect Stranger’s Balki is helpfully not recommended but what others are to be avoided like Ratha Yatra lemonade? I noticed this morning that I bore a striking resemblance to ALF the lovable space alien. Like John Stamos ALF is a seriously handsome figure and would, without a doubt, inspire many spirit souls BUT is his desire for foodstuffs in the form of the family cat too much at odds with Srila Prabhupada’s movement?
24 Kenny // Aug 8, 2008 at 10:33 pm
No, I think not. Just like Garuda is a devotee who eats snakes, ALF is a devotee who eats cats. I don’t see a conflict.
But maybe Primal Strips could come up with fake cat jerky!
25 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 9, 2008 at 12:23 am
I didn’t just distribute books to get high. I really wanted to know how the devotees did it. Distributing books seemed like incredible mystic power, and I wanted to be a part of it. I was always inquisitive. In the beginning I couldn’t sell even one book. I tried everything, even getting down on my knees and begging. I honestly couldn’t sell even one. I could sell BTGs for nickles, dimes and quarters, but to get $5 to me was a miracle, back in 1972. It still amazes me to read the book scorces, and see that even today, even in the midst of so much controversy and failure, devotees still go out and distribute thousands of books. It is truly amazing. I give out books anonymously now. I buy 20 small books every time I go to the temple, and pass them out for free around where I live. I don’t care if I get high, its ok. The sun comes up every day, and there is plenty of good food to eat and air to breath, so I don’t need to get high distributing books anymore. I have been given plenty. It would truly be very selfish of me to ask for or demand any more.
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