BOWLING GREEN, Ky – Goswami das, a resident brahmacari of ISKCON Bowling Green, recently confessed that the compulsory wearing of kaupins has triggered his childhood fear of flossing, commonly known as interdentalphobia.
A Kaupin is a loin-cloth traditionally worn by celibates to reduce the production of semen. The girding assists to raise energy from that area up the spine to nourish the brain, notably along with drinking hot milk while reading Krishna Book in the evening.
“My mother made me floss my teeth before and after every meal which amounted to childhood trauma”, Goswami, born Adam Garney, said. Although this was the main incentive to leave home and join the Hare Krishna’s, “every time I offer obeisances I am reminded of this flossing, rather than of guru and Krishna”, he confessed, after greeting the deities this morning.
Reflecting, “The Govindam prayer brings back memories of momma saying, ‘go floss ‘em, Adam!’” Purportedly, such bad karma would stop like the slowing down of a fan after being switched off.
When Goswami reported his difficulty to the temple authority and requested laksmi for two sets of boxer briefs from his sankirtan collection, he was returned with, “Maya. You are transcendental to phobia and need to wear kaupins so that your senses are controlled.” His authority then remarked that the temple funds were for Krishna’s service and not for “material problems”.
Goswami’s fellow brahmacaris reminded him of the story of a yogi who wanted two sets of kaupins, gradually accumulating “material things”, ending up with a house and a wife, the “death of a brahmacari.”
“This is a personal issue, not a product flaw,” said Susan Mistlefield, an Oral-B spokes persons. “Our dental floss is used by millions dentists worldwide and they are certainly not joining the Hare Krishnas.”
Due to his flossing phobia, Goswami often fails to offer obeisances before exiting the temple room. “If I could simply have a couple of pairs of Fruit of the Loom or maybe some Joe Boxers, I’d offer one thousand dandavats to the vaisnavas daily, outside the temple president’s office while praying to Raghunatha das Goswami, no problem.”
To possibly remedy the situation, temple authorities sent Goswami on a two week pilgrimage to holy Vrindavan. “A good dandavat parikrama of Govardhana should fix him right up,” said sankirtana leader, Apana das.
Shortly after parikrama, Goswami disappeared, leaving everything, including his kaupins, behind. He has since been seen along the banks of the Ganges River with the Naga Babas.
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34 responses so far ↓
1 Isn't it? // Jul 18, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Try to understand. Mother tries to warn of loss of tooth by no use of floss. Krishna conscious tries to explain loss of genital by no use of kaupin. In this way the genital is lost to maya. On the next stage, the brahmacari is tossed about thinking; “by the waves of my lusty desire, I have lost all my senses, therefore I am no better than worm in stool”. When he is coming to this point his life can be perfected.
2 Nandini // Jul 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm
O I get it! The real problem is: once the brahmacari becomes a worm, he can no longer floss or kaupinoss. And because being a worm in stool is perfection, there is nothing for him to do anymore but just be perfect. And who would want that when a man can struggle with tight kaupins and root canals?
3 Isn't it? // Jul 18, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I’m afraid you are having misconception. Worm is stool is not perfection. Genital in tight koupin is much closer to the truth. Such seeker will likely struggle with desire to give ‘root canal’ by his own deep penetration rather than accept for oneself
4 Appreciative Reader // Jul 18, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I can’t figure out what the hell any of y’all are even talking about, but “Isn’t it” seems to be verging dangerously close to porn here…..
5 Isn't it? // Jul 18, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Do you know city of nine gates?
This to you may sound like porno palace, but is clearly dealt with in Bhagavata, or so you must learn!!
6 Devak // Jul 18, 2008 at 6:55 pm
INDIA, Rajasthan
Dear Appreciative Reader:
How are you today?
I see that you might be going down the wrong road with this story. Just because there is talk of these matters that are usually only whispered about does not make it purient and lewd.
Keep your thoughts pure and chant the maha mantra. Only that will remove the dirty things from your mind.
Concerning the kaupin. Dr. Ramjan my dentist told me just the other day that this male garment only increases the production of semen. Now you know why these brahmacari boys are so lustful and desire …you know what …24/7.
Devak…..only wearing the dhoti.
PS: Naughty talk is not allowed on this site. It’s not good for the ladies as they’re full of lust already.
7 Devak // Jul 18, 2008 at 7:10 pm
INDIA
Dearest Devotees:
May I further explain myself to all.
Dr. Ramjan politely explained it like this. The kaupin is like dental floss. The dental floss reminds a man that he has teeth and that they are tightly packed in the mouth.
The kaupin reminds a man that he has genitals as they are tightly bound up to the body. This constant reminder causes these boys to think of sex all day and night. This is a medical fact.
No wonder all of those gurukulas had to be started so quickly in the beginning of ISCKON.
I’m sure you get the picture.
Devak…….not wearing the kaupin …thank you.
8 jagat candra das // Jul 19, 2008 at 12:05 am
Kaupin flashback is Brilliant!! The ending is superb!! anyone ever done a lustometer reading of & found how many cows a cowpin is?
9 Devak // Jul 19, 2008 at 12:40 am
Dear Jagat Candra Das:
Very nice question. I will answer right now.
A few years ago I pointed a Lust-O-Meter at a Brahmacari wearing his Kaupin and the machine exploded.
Could I be any more clear?
Devak….always have insurance.
10 OTSTAL Om Tat Sat Thanks A Lot // Jul 20, 2008 at 1:59 pm
For the first 2 years I was a Brahmacari, I didn’t quite get the hang of Brahmin underwear. Being a Double Scorpio, you can just imagine how agitated I was much of the time anyway, and the Kaupin, for some unknown reason just wasn’t doing its job. Then my good temple commander identified the problem – I was pulling it up in the wrong direction – ah that solved the problem! It kept me on the straight and narrow path a few more years.
11 Devak // Jul 20, 2008 at 5:17 pm
INDIA
Orissa State. at the Jag Temple for today.
Dearest Devotees:
I have noticed that many religions have this big hang-up about the type of underwear the males wear.
The Mormons have special loose fitting Holy undies for the men, the Hare Krishna have the super-duper tight kaupin for the men and especially the boys. Certain tribes tie up the male organ with rope and string. Yikes!
What’s up with all this pseudo science of how the male external sex organs are supposed to be
housed? I really wonder what God has to say.
In many cultures the male sex organ is subjected to a major operation within a few days of birth. This is done with anesthesia. The boy screaming with pain. Surgeons start cutting on it and slice off a big piece of tissue that God put there for a reason. All this is so primitive.
And OTSTAL, I hope things are a bit looser for you these hot days of summer.
Devak…….nature as nature intended….what a concept!
12 Devak // Jul 20, 2008 at 5:25 pm
I meant to say in my post above…..”without anesthesia”.
And OTSTAL, you being a …God forbid, Double Scorpio…you need all the relief you can get!
Back to the Temple……..
13 Appreciative Reader // Jul 20, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Devak _/\o_
Well, the freaky undergarments and mutilative (is that a word?) surgery that males in the world are subjected to are relatively minor compared to FGM and the gruesome atrocities females are subjected to. Count your blessings on your counter beads!
14 Devak // Jul 20, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Orissa State
Dearest Devotees:
Not to overdo it but I have to correct a huge ISKCON myth. The kaupin does absolutely nothing to reduce the production of semen. [Semen is a sugar like fluid that feeds and protects the two drops of sperm on their perilous journey to the egg.] No more details for now.
Semen is produced by a gland ‘inside’ the body and is stored in a special bladder for later ‘use’.
Only the microscopic sperm cells are produced by the testes that are outside the body. And this is only about two drops per day.
Semen production goes on 24/7 whether one wears the kaupin or not.
I assume most of you know all of this already as it’s kinda basic.
15 Devak // Jul 20, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Appreciative Reader:
I am well aware of the horrific mutilation that females are subjected to and this did cross my mind when writing the posts above. I am glad you brought this up.
Many people in the Western countries are unaware of this as it is not widespread in these cultures.
The entire planet has one giant big hang-up……sex.
As for myself…..well, that’s another story for another lifetime.;)
16 OTSTAL Om Tat Sat Thanks A Lot // Jul 21, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Mae West said it best “is that a banana in you pocket or are you just glad to see me”?
This is the purpose of the Kaupin then, to at the very least supress men’s intentions, and at best keep a good man down.
17 Nandini // Jul 22, 2008 at 8:52 am
OM THANKS A LOT,
No wonder kaupins fail guys everywhere: how can it “supress” a man’s “intention”? Unless of course some men think with their… uh…. private part.
Actually, lots of men seem to.
18 OTSTAL Om Tat Sat Thanks A Lot // Jul 22, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Miraculously kaupins seem to work if you sqish and pull it tight enough. The knobby shoes are supposed to work too, but they looked to painful to me.
Beds of nails are also good Ayurvedically. I made the mistake of laying the wrong way on the nails – ouch that’s got to hurt.
19 OTSTAL Om Tat Sat Thanks A Lot // Jul 22, 2008 at 11:13 pm
I had all but put Kaupins out of my mind and long forgetten about them. This humorous article however brought back all the bad memories.
When I lived in the Brahmacari ashram between 1970-76, the most disgusting memory, now in retrospect, is we SHARED our kaupin underwear. There was never a thought that your two pieces of cloth were yours, and my two pieces, brown spot in the rear and all were mine, or that we might individually wash our own underwear. Nope we just threw them in a big pile, and some fool soul, usually me, took them all down to the local laundramat around the corner, and washed them, with lots of bleach. Then brought them back, threw them in a big pile, and you got to take you pick.
20 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Jul 23, 2008 at 11:18 pm
It’s one thing to have the SHARE Kaupin underwear with all your fellow Brahmacaris, but there are worse things in life – like people who steal you Kaupins.
One householder I remember had a bad fight with his wife, and decided to live with the Brahmacaris for a while. He gave up when someone stole his Kaupins. Seems he had the audacity to hold on to a pair for himself. He had washed them and hung them out to dry over his locker door and somebody actually stole them! He gave up and went back to his wife.
I remember one temple commander chastising me for wearing old worn out, ratty kaupins. He told me “you don’t have to dress like a refuge”!
21 Kenny // Jul 23, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Wow! Tom Petty was your temple commander!
22 deva // Aug 1, 2008 at 7:55 pm
This topic reminded me of something that happened in the early 80’s when I was visiting Seattle. I went with several devotees to see an art exhibit in a small gallery. As we walked up the stairs and into the main display area, we all started laughing uncontrollably. The curator had chosen an elegant presentation of strips of saffron cloth strewn about. At least they weren’t wet. Anybody who has ever lived in a brahmacari asram can relate.
23 ananymus // Aug 5, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I remember one of my first visits to the Seattle temple I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I was thinking ” boy they have funny towels in this place!”
24 Rati // Aug 5, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, that’s so gross!!! LMAO
25 Nandini // Aug 5, 2008 at 7:57 pm
I ironed my spiritual master’s kaupins once and all the while I was thinking “this is so sacred”. Boy was I in illusion. Wewww!
26 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 5, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Did you do anything special to wish him luck before he went out on parikrama?
27 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 5, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Once on the Johnny Carson Show, Arnold Palmer’s wife was being interviewed. Johnny asked her if she did anything special before a big golf tournament. She stated that she kissed his balls for good luck. Johnny snaped back – “oooh I bet that makes his putter stand on end”. The Palmers sued.
28 Nandini // Aug 6, 2008 at 8:28 am
Boy-R-D,
Did I do something special? No I didn’t.
Did you?
29 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 6, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I am 100% hetorosexual. No funny business for me. I used to live in a tiny room with 20 other Brahmacaris. Now if there is one man in 20 feet of me, it puts me in total anxiety.
30 Nandini // Aug 6, 2008 at 5:28 pm
And if you weren’t, um, 100%, would you have done something special?
I am not really interested in your particular life one way or another. I am inquiring like this just so to hopefully make the point across of how invasive and abusive of men in general to joke with women (whom they don’t even know) whether they were available for sex just because they are female. Like your insinuating question to me when I told about my ironing my spiritual master’s underwear, “did you do something special for him”: what does one thing have to do with the other? You wouldn’t ask like that if I were a man, would you? So I put the question back to you so you hopefully have some idea of how does it feel to be on the receiving end of this rude and abusive behavior women are subjected to just because of our gender.
If a stranger asked your wife whether she did “special” sexual favors for some man other than yourself, you wouldn’t easily take it as a joke, right?
All women are respectable, regardless of their sexual behavior.
31 Boy-R-D dasa (not the cook) // Aug 6, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Nandini you can dish it out but you can’t take it. You jibed me in the ribs for my spelling, so I thought you were attacking me, and I attacked back, all in good fun of course.
I thought this was supposed to be a fun site, where we could laugh about things, light comedy, but suddenly everything has gotten real heavy and cold.
32 Nandini // Aug 6, 2008 at 9:03 pm
But I apologized to you individually for using your joke to MAKE A POINT, did you see my apology?
Anyway, I apologize again then. It is just that I am very serious about my feminist streak, I tend to use every opportunity to enlighten males regarding the feminine nature.
33 Boy-R-D dasa (not the chef) // Aug 6, 2008 at 11:22 pm
In the spirit of Vaishnavism, I apologize for my crude and offensive remark.
34 Nandini // Aug 7, 2008 at 9:43 am
“In the spirit of Vaishnavism, I apologize for my crude and offensive remark.”
Which follows that real vaisnavas are respectful of women whether these behave despicably or gloriously. Vaisnavas are the ultimate feminists.
You learn well my fellow jiva soul.
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