MUMBAI - What started as a discussion of humility between two residents of the Chowpatty temple has ended in a series of bloody riots that has shocked this Hare Krishna community.
Dozens of devotees, most in traditional religious dress, fought with each other for hours, throwing punches, pulling homemade weapons and hurling Molotov cocktails.
“What they are failing to understand,” said Akushala das of the other rioters, nursing a broken femur and concussion, “is that I am lower than the puss on a weeping ulcer of a leper.”
According to sources, Vaisnava Ke das and Abudha das were discussing whose service it was to clean the ashrama bathrooms. Abudha suggested that he was lower than a worm in stool and couldn’t be trusted to properly clean such a holy place as the bathroom of a pure devotee. Abudha das countered by explaining that it was he, not Vaisnava Ke, who was lower than an ant eating the stool of a worm in stool. Abudha then proceeded to punch his opponent in the throat.
Tensions had clearly been mounting, as this simple argument sent this simple temple into a simple riot.
“Though I am most fallen and do not deserve to be in this riot of such advanced devotees, I have been blessed by Lord Sri Krishna with two lacerations to the head and a knife wound in my stomach,” said Himsananda das who was limping and covered in blood.
Throughout the grisly affair, cries of “it is I who am most fallen!” could be heard over the painful screams and homemade explosives.
“How are they not seeing that I am more fallen than the dead flesh eaten by maggots that will most certainly infest my soon-to-be gangrenous arm, which was sliced by a broken bottle of Ganga water,” exclaimed Ciram devi dasi, whose arm, smashed and cut by a cricket bat aligned with sharpened metal spikes, waved useless in the breeze.
GBC sanctioned deputies sped through the temple grounds spraying clouds of tear gas as GBC officers in riot gear attempted to round up the mob in full insurrection.
According to official GBC reports, over 200 devotee rioters are being detained in Mayapura.
Even with GBC presence and arrests, the riot escalated unthought-of levels.
“Oh just see the mercy of Guru and Gauranga!” shouted Madam das, whose body was riddled with bullets, “While I am not worthy to die in the gutter of a latrine where one who has simply tasted prasadam will someday pass stool, I will most certainly leave this wretched, worthless body at such an auspicious time as this in the most holy of holy dhamas!”
The Chowpatty temple, in a press conference given later that day, expressed regret that such true humility had to come to such a violent, but auspicious end.
“We are all equally most fallen,” said Chowpatty spokesperson Arjun Malik. “Though some of us are more equally most fallen than others.”
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24 responses so far ↓
1 Rati // May 16, 2008 at 9:43 am
Hahahahhahaha!!!
What about the “I’m so low I could sky dive off a dime” or “Well, I’m so low I could crawl under a pregnant ant” responses?
LOVE that latrine quote.
2 Devak // May 16, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Haribol! All glories to the devotees.
How can I, one of the most fallen semi-sannyasis, even respond to this report of the new and glorious martyrs for Krishna? I am not worthy to speak their names.
This afternoon we’re all going to the mall to collect laksmi for a new marble temple to honor the Martyrs of Chowpatty.
This development is just too much.
Devak…sadness and ashes
3 Madhava Gosh // May 16, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I am lower than the stool of a worm who crawls into the earth before passing it.
4 Ananga-manjari // May 16, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I suspect that Kamadeva, who was lusty for cows (in a previous news release), is actually behind all this.
5 Devak // May 16, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Dearest Devotees.
Oh such sweet glories!
I just received a call from the architect in Chowpatty that is designing the new temple in honor of the Martyrs of Chowpatty. He’s asking if it will be OK to have a life size diorama scene of the riot? We envision flames, police, the screams of the faithful and the blood and gore of the fallen. The drama is more than I can even imagine. There is nothing on earth that even comes close to this.
We pray that the diorama does not incite further riots. One was enough for now.
Yes, I do believe that the ones that lust for cows were the initial cause of all this hullabaloo. Such rascals.
Devak….keeping a low profile, very low.
6 badbhakta // May 23, 2008 at 1:45 pm
hare krsna
we had it enough of politics and fighting in my life of Krsna Consciousness. but not one time did we ever think of engaging in somethink like this. this is embrassing to Srila Prabhupada. i can not understand why this is such ajoke. Srila Prabhupada left us the greatest movement on this planet. why are we destroying it in this way.
where i come from, chowpatty is considered to be one of the perfect example for all Iskcon.They have the perfect Leader HH Radhanath Swami. why do are destroying what He gave to you’ll.
You’ll should be so lucky to have an example like him to follow. lets not destroy what he and Srila Prabhupada gave us. A MATCHLESS GIFT
badbhakta
7 Devak // May 23, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Oh my dear BadBhakta, we take the Movement very seriously. Please don’t misunderstand. On this site I never joke about anything at all. I only speak the truth about everything. That is for sure.
Yes, we are all so lucky to have been so blessed by Srila Prabhupad. He really brought a wonderful gift to the western world. He brought Krsna Consciousness and saved a lot of people from themselves.
You mention HH Radhanath Swami. Such an interesting fellow for sure. Did you see that video about him on YouTube? I learned a lot about him from those guys in New York. He looked a bit pale in that elevator at the Temple building.
Hope all is finally well with everyone in Chowpatty and that the riots are over.
Devak…..building bridges here, there and everywhere.
8 devakdas // May 24, 2008 at 12:44 am
devak, you are either ritwik or some serious offender who has nothing else to do but to criticize devotees. hope u know who is Srila Prabhupada & his teaching. i pray that someday you chant the Holy Names without offenses to taste it. ur team of commentors here is well known for their past & present activities too..
9 Devak // May 24, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Yes, I was forced to be a ritvik guru for several years. But eventually the powers that be could see that the guru thing was just too much for my delicate and sensitive nature and promoted me to swamiji. Of course that too eventually came to a crashing halt and I was then again set on a new course in ISKCON. I became a bhakta brahmacari. That really didn’t work out and I became an wannabe temple outsider inside.
Rest rest is history and I’ll save that for another day.
Devak…climbing the ladder of devotee success.
Am I there yet? No one really knows for sure.
10 devakdas // May 25, 2008 at 7:58 pm
its really very unfortunate to see aspiring devotees like you suffering so much & despite that you are so misguided to commit vaishnava aparadha. its really very sad to see you & the others of simillar history who have commented here suffer for their offenses. hope Krishna will deliver you soon from this offensive mentality & body too..
11 Devak // May 26, 2008 at 2:16 am
Dear Devakdas:
Did you suggest that Lord Krishna deliver me from my body? I wasn’t quite ready for that. At least not today!
Is there some other sacrifice that I can offer up to Krishna for any aparadha I may have committed?
I hope you do understand that my journey has not been an easy one. Please consider that I was once on a high asana and now I clean the toilets.
Haribol!
Devak….a most fallen but happy devotee. (Sometimes I am allowed to take the trash out to the street by the Ashram.)
12 devakdas // May 26, 2008 at 8:15 pm
if u r willing & ready for it - first of all close down this junk website to avoid ur further falldown.
then u can try to become humble & chant regularly (which is missing is many offenders who like u)
13 Devak // May 26, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare
Haribol! The above mantra removes the ‘dirty things’ from the mind! That’s what I heard Srila Prabhupada say many years ago in New York and I believe it. For sure.
Devakdas:
Good to hear from you again.
I do chant the maha mantra at least once a day but I did miss one day last week. I am sure Krishna will forgive me. Let me tell you what happened.
I had to take the Fast Mail Train from Kanhangad station north to Kasargod to see my dentist. Did you ever take a train with a toothache. Oye vey. Such pain. I sat next to a nice man who called me Maharaj. I told him I was a former guru. He promised to say prayers for me at the Temple. He carried my umbrella over my head as we walked to the dentists office. Just like the old days. It was a very hot day in Kerala. .
But Ram did bless me and I arrived in time for my appointment. Dr. Ramjan is the best dentist. He hypnotized me and I felt no pain when he pulled the tooth. (I have to eat soft prasadam for a few days.)
All of Krsna’s blessing for you. You ever most well wisher.
Devak…
.P.S…Praphu Eric has the best website: The Hing. At least the fallen have a refuge from which they can recover Lord Krishna’s favor.
So you think I should go to Rishikesh for better forms for my purification? It’s a lot cooler there for sure.
14 Devak // May 28, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Rishikesh
May 30, 2008
Dearest Devotees and Chelas:
I had to sit on the roof of the Dewala Fast Overnight train to Hardwar. Can you imagine all night on the roof of the train? The conductorwalla said it was good for my karma. Oh sure.
When I arrived at the ashram here in Rishekesh the swamji welcomed me with great warmth and a cup of hot tea. [I know, not good.]
The dear swamiji said that I need to take off all of my clothes and become a naked sadhu. I hadn’t expected that right now. Oh well….anything for Krsna.
They painted me all over with ashes and wild colors. I have the dreadlocks everywhere and my feet are sore from all of the stones on the roads here by the river.
All of the native sadhus think I am a real curosity from America. I told them I am a fallen guru and need to be repurified for Lord Krsna. They said that they heard this a million times before.
They all decided that I needed to step into the blue waters of this river and be purified. I stepped in and out of the river in about three seconds. Now I am at the local medical aid station. They said that I may need three weeks to thaw out and get warm again. Is this a part of the regeneration process? I thought that chanting was enough.
Haribol
Devak…..parts of me are quite blue….enough said about that.
15 Bh karl // Jun 2, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Dear Devak Prabhu. Why do you say you are a “fallen” guru? You were a guru back then and you did the best you could at the time. Now you are not a guru. Its no big deal.
16 Devak // Jun 2, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Dear Bhakta Karl prabhu:
I feel so much better with your sage advice. Yes, you are right…it’s no big deal. My time as a guru was like so much cotton candy….here today…..gone in five minutes.
Yes, the rumor is correct, I was sent a postcard [postage due, 25 cents] from the GBC stating that I was no longer an official guru.
It was the same day that the saintly Kirtananda [Keith Ham] got out of jail. Imagine…being dropped from the rolls the same day that His Holiness Kirtananda walks out of the slammer?
Yes, Karl, I did the best I could. I wore the correct tangerine dyed dhotis and kurta and always flew first class on Air India. I fulfilled the sacred obligations of a real guru.
But I do need your advice right away. Do you feel it just might be possible to get back to my old status as guru? There is a new guru on YouTube. Should I take his Internet Course on spiritual awareness? It’s free but then I wonder. Can it be any good if it’s free?
I hope you are well, Bhakta Karl, and that this note from a former swamiji finds you somewhere on your great jouney of forever. There I go again…..with my swami talk.
Devak…..just like St. Francis….preaching to the birds in the trees.
17 Devak // Jun 2, 2008 at 7:41 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwjL9Gp–zA&feature=related
If any devotee is interested , you can copy and paste the link above. This is my dear friend Sirsasana in India last year with several of my sadhu friends .
When I go to India I always try and mix with the locals in the correct spiritual manner.
Devak…..when in Rome….do as the Romans do. That’s my motto.
18 Appreciative Reader // Jun 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Devak, you are most gracious. But those of us who are not as gracious as you are find ourselves asking, “MUST we be subjected to such wing nuts as devakdas? Have we not had enough of these fanatics? Can we not EVER get away from them”?
19 Devak // Jun 3, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Dear Appreciative Reader:
Hare Krsna
I pronam before you!
I actually enjoy reading the missives of our dear devakdas. He sort of reminds me of the Delhi Midnight Mail Train and the Malibar Coaster. They travel so fast that one never knows when they will crash in the night on a lonely stretch of tracks in Gujurat. You read about it in the India Times every fortnight.
When I was in college I studied with Dr. Krishna Ramjanwal, he was a great psychologist of feminine Vedic tradition. He once told me that two things can cause a good man to go mad: sex or religion. Can you imagine if the two are combined? Well, this has actually happened in ISKCON…many times. It can be a fright for sure. Thankfully those dear devotees have either left the planet or have gone to Rishikesh to recover their senses. I tell you the cold water dip did me a world of good. Nectar!
Anyway, I’m off to redeem my soul in other places. I hear that surfing in Kerala, South India is a good way to get close to God.
No, Im afraid we will never get rid of the fanatics. If it weren’t for the wing nuts I wouldn’t have any chelas or potential movie ideas.
Devak…..did you see Sirsasana standing on his head on YouTube? Pure bliss! Ananda! A saint!
20 Lex // Jul 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm
OK, this seems totally nuts. Am I hearing this correctly…are some people here condoning that kind of behavior as auspicious? And for that matter, is this a some kind of a hoax?
If I were to write a piece on ARROGANCE I would use this event as a prime example. SPIRITUAL ARROGANCE. What kind of an OXYMORON is me telling someone “I am humbler than you!”
And if it is true, I’d like to sarcastically thank all the idiots who participated in this event for making it so much easier to be a part of Krsna Consciousness . If you are all so low, then don’t come around me cause I’m gonna step on you. Have the balls to admit you can’t stop thinking about yourselves.
Someone please clarify.
21 Appreciative Reader // Jul 18, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Devak, you’re brilliant! I only just now saw this:
“When I was in college I studied with Dr. Krishna Ramjanwal, he was a great psychologist of feminine Vedic tradition. He once told me that two things can cause a good man to go mad: sex or religion. Can you imagine if the two are combined? Well, this has actually happened in ISKCON…many times. It can be a fright for sure.”
A FRIGHT FOR SURE!!!
22 Devak // Jul 18, 2008 at 7:38 pm
INDIA
Dearest Appreciative Reader:
Well, thank you so kindly. Along with my very extentive studies of Vedic Culture at the University of New Delhi and a city college in The Golden State. I have been known to be seen passing notes to Father Guido Sarducci.
Most of my chelas aren’t aware of this, please don’t tell. Can you keep a secret?
His Most Holy Devak…….
23 Rati // Jul 21, 2008 at 9:36 am
Hey Lex! I hope I can clarify at least a little bit for you. The event in this article did not actually happen, but was inspired in part by an actual event, and in part by silly humor. The “fight” was all verbal, not physical.
I think you got the general point. It’s pretty silly to constantly be proclaiming one’s lowly position, instead of serving Krsna and the devotees.
“I’m more humble than you” reminds me of something my favorite asram teacher of all time said, “It always makes me laugh when I hear devotees say, “Prabhu, would you just shut up” don’t they understand what they’re saying? How can you tell your master to shut up?”
Hope that helps.
24 Boy-R-D (not the chef) // Jul 22, 2008 at 11:37 pm
This article, although a cruel hoax, really had me fooled. I got it as an email from a friend and thought it was for real. I have seen devotees beating the hell out of each other, as well as guests at the temple, so I wouldn’t be suprised if there is a riot one day, especially if there were no volunteers to clean the stool room.
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